


The Other Side Is Bluer

by Kateis_Cakeis



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Canon - Movie, Coming Out, Fluff, M/M, POV Bram Greenfeld, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 04:29:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14488842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kateis_Cakeis/pseuds/Kateis_Cakeis
Summary: Bram had made a big mistake posting on creeksecrets. No, he had made a massive mistake. At least, he thought he had, until he saw an email the next morning.(Basically the movie from Bram's POV, including lots of headcanons).





	The Other Side Is Bluer

_‘What possessed me to post that?’_ Was the only thought swirling in Bram’s head as he stared at his computer screen like it had personally offended him. Okay, maybe it had. After all, he was on creeksecrets staring at his horrible mistake of a post.

People were going to whisper about it for weeks, if not months. If not the rest of the year. It was unbelievable. How could he– No, how _did_ he manage to it? Because he certainly didn’t know himself. The rumours would float around in the corridors, he would hear them. The people at his lunch table would talk about it.

Wait.

What if people worked it out?

That somehow made the whole situation even worse. He was Bram Greenfeld, Mr Reserved. He didn’t just go around spouting things about himself. He certainly wouldn’t normally be brave enough to post on creeksecrets about being _gay_. But, then again, people can surprise themselves.

In a brief moment of panic, he shut down his computer and stared at the blank screen, really taking in how bleak it looked without it blaring out a bright light. He shoved himself away from his desk and flung himself into bed, pulling the covers over his head to hide away from everything. From his computer, his post, the world.

Even when his mother shouted for him, to see if he was alright, he simply pretended to be asleep. Although, he couldn’t possibly sleep with what he had just done. He had stupidly posted on creeksecrets, which was always ripe for rumours. Little was true on there. But this was. And people would know it was. Which made everything so much worse.

Waking up was an impossible task. Because a new day meant that gossip would be buzzing around. And it was going to hurt, sting, burn a hole in his chest, to hear people whisper about who the closeted gay kid could possibly be. He was hoping that people wouldn’t guess it was him. He was on the soccer team, after all. Being into the sport surely meant that he was safe, didn’t it? No one would suspect a thing. Hopefully.

When he did get his act together and crawled out of his bed, he picked up his phone. He nearly had a heart attack when he saw a single notification from Gmail. The subject line said ‘hey’, so it was friendly enough. And from what he could see, the body of the email would be friendly too. He plugged in his password and got to reading.

‘Just like you’. ‘Quarterback and valedictorian’. ‘Two friends known since kindergarten’. ‘One met a few months ago’. ‘Jacques’.

That was certainly a lot of information. And if you had half a brain and happened to sit on a table with a particular boy you’ve had a crush on for years, you’d have enough ammunition. Which, in turn, made Bram lock his phone and push it away.

Could it be?

No. It couldn’t. How could it? Well… it was _enough_ information. It wouldn’t fit many people and would only leave a few candidates. Even with that, it was more likely to be– No. Surely not.

But he could at least _try_ to see.

\--

Lunch was as noisy as it always was. However, with all the many conversations buzzing around, only one conclusion could be made.

Something was up with Simon.

It was like he was stressed while buzzing with excitement all at the same time. He was staring at his phone like it was promising him the world, but without connection, it couldn’t give it to him. So Bram came up with a brilliant technique.

“Simon? Simon?” Bram waved to him, wishing for him to get out of his trance and to return to earth.

Simon finally looked up from his phone. “Yeah?”

“Can I get some fries?” Oh goodness, Bram couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

Simon looked for a second before furrowing his brow. “Yeah.”

Instantly, he was back to looking at his phone. And Bram lingered for a small moment, gazing and smiling at Simon. But it was a fleeting second because those fries had to be eaten. Though, his previous thoughts taunted him. It definitely added up.

Soon, Simon launched himself up from the table, to go find a signal. Bram just returned to everyday lunch life because, it couldn’t be.

It couldn’t.

Simon just couldn’t be gay, right? There was no way Bram’s biggest crush could be gay. There was no way Simon would reveal really specific details that could only match up with him, he wasn’t that stupid. Or maybe he was and Bram was cheating with knowing who his anonymous emailer was from the get go.

Bram pulled out his phone and swiftly typed away without anyone looking. Even though Garrett was _right_ next to him, able to see, he risked it because at least it would give him a clue if Simon returned.

It wasn’t as if he had to type much. He had been planning the email all day. He knew what to type as if it were muscle memory. As soon as the email was sent, he felt as if he was at peace with the world. Like things were finally going to go his way. That he’d actually get the guy he been crushing on for so long.

Still, it felt like wishful thinking at best. Projecting at worst. Nevertheless, he could toy with the idea for the time being. It might cause a small bit of heart break in the end, but he could still imagine what it would be like if this Jacques was Simon.

Unfortunately, when Simon returned he explained how he had fallen victim to Mr Worth’s ‘no phones in the corridor’ rule. Which was a slight disappointment for Bram, but there was plenty of time to work the puzzle out.

When the next email came through, Bram’s stomach swelled with butterflies. He found himself excited to reply. Even if Jacques wasn’t Simon, he liked the idea of having someone to talk to with the cover of anonymity. And as time crawled on, he began to reveal more because Jacques was not subtle, _at all_. Even if subtle smacked him in the face, Bram was sure Jacques would still be out in the open, all brave. In that case, it wouldn’t nearly be fair if he himself didn’t reveal some information too.

Which was where the Oreos came in. Stating that the Halloween ones were his favourite wasn’t glaringly apparent. It was the perfect test, all it would take was a real-life conversation to gauge Simon’s reaction. Just to see, to check and make sure. While he couldn’t be obvious and say what he was dressing up as for Halloween, with Oreos, he could be subtle and obvious all at once.

And Simon, he really was a gift to the universe. Well, to Bram he was. Because as he and Garrett approached the table, he was tearing into a packet of Oreos. Delicious, beautiful, immaculate Oreos. A perfect cookie in every way.

“Oreos. Man, I love them. Halloween ones are the best,” Bram said as he sat. He spared Simon a glance or two, to watch his reaction without actually watching.

It was like Simon malfunctioned on the spot. His movements stilled. He gave a small smile. “Yeah.”

Ah. That was one point to Bram and nil to Simon.

Bram went on to explain why a party would be happening at his on Saturday. To which Garrett got enthusiastically pumped up about, nearly scaring a poor freshman half to death. The kid looked as if he was preparing to be the butt of a joke. Luckily, Garrett moved on to spread the news, happily jogging about and pointing to people with an inscrutable glare. Informing the masses was important. Bram couldn’t stop himself from laughing, he shouldn’t have expected any less from Garrett.

To interrupt Garrett’s streak of informing every individual person, the bell rang. The lot of them packed up their stuff, though Bram could feel eyes on him. A single set. A simple gaze that ended as soon as it started. Mr Not-Subtle-At-All-Simon.

He was even less subtle in class. Bram definitely felt eyes on him, which was weird, since they were doing a test, and everyone should have had their heads down, getting the best grade they could achieve. Suddenly, Bram knew exactly who was staring, as the teacher had to tell Simon off for not having his eyes on his own test.

Bram glanced over his shoulder, just to see Simon’s face during all of this, only to see him _still_ looking. With a smile and a shake of the head, Bram went back to his test.

Okay, he was now 80% sure that Simon and Jacques were one and the same. Which made it almost impossible to concentrate on his test anymore. His mind was swirling with imaginings. If Simon and Jacques were the same, did that mean there was a possibility that Simon had a crush on him? From the evidence he had seen, perhaps. Just because Jacques was gay and was likely to be Simon, did not mean Simon/Jacques had a crush on Blue/Bram. It was just incredibly likely.

Which made Bram imagine how his Halloween party would go down. He was already imagining far too much and was totally not paying attention to his test. Which wasn’t good, because he really wanted to get a good grade on this one. Simon was too much of a distraction to handle.

\--

As Bram was setting up all the drinks and snacks for his party, he was on a certain edge, way too excited to see Simon. He had a few ideas of how he wanted things to go. All he had to do was wait. Which happened to be for some time as Garrett set up the karaoke machine and people began to arrive in vast numbers.

As soon as he noticed that Simon had arrived, he dashed over, greeting him and Nick. After he dragged them over to the kitchen, he could barely contain his laughter as Simon choked on his drink. Clearly, he hadn’t drunk before. But he was doing a fantastic job at pretending it had merely gone down the wrong way. After Simon and Nick disappeared outside, Bram burst out laughing. That turned a few heads, but he didn’t care, seeing Simon blatantly try to impress him by choking down alcohol was too cute and funny.

Next up was Beirut, another part of Bram’s awesome plan. And no, he did not spend many a minute by the ping pong table in the hope that Simon would pass by. He definitely hadn’t been waiting. Not at all. Except, he had. Which was why he almost blew out a sigh of relief when Simon eventually came into view. He jumped at the chance to ask him to play. And maybe Bram caught onto the fact that Simon looked excited to play as well. Though, having Abby and Martin on the same team was a strange pick.

What Bram did not prepare for was Simon’s glasses. It was smart for them not to be on. They were playing a game, this was for the best. And maybe Bram’s heart was in his throat, ready to jump out, as he pulled Simon’s glasses off his face with slow movements. Simon definitely seemed taken aback by this. He was nervous. Bram was nervous. The action was full of tension, in a way. It took Simon a second to regain composure. It took Bram even longer.

The game, of course, went in their favour. Because Martin was chronic and only Abby could hit her target, while both Simon and Bram were spectacular at the game. And Bram felt so lax like this. Where he could do a special handshake with Simon. Where he could cheer him on. Where anything he did was just because of the game, and totally not because of the feelings he harboured for Simon.

‘Course, they were drunk as all hell when they finished up their game. Without words, Bram grabbed Simon’s arm and dragged him inside. Abby followed in after them, leaving Martin outside to stumble about. Bram had such a confidence swelling inside, though, he was concentrating more on what song they would sing on the karaoke machine. Bram chose the most relevant song he could think of. As long as you love me. Subtle yet obvious, Bram’s forte.

They were totally wasted as they sang the song, yet they managed to string the words together well enough. And if Bram was thinking about Simon the entire time, that was totally fine. At least he managed to sing a good song, entertain his guests and spend time with Simon, all at once. It really was a perfect moment, which had Bram going slightly crazy with emotions.

What made it worse was when Simon decided he wanted to sing ‘Add It Up’, which totally did not make Bram go anymore insane with imaginings and wishes than before. Just watching Simon sing with a deep voice did many a thing to Bram. And his hair was so perfectly messed up. And watching that performance was pretty much life changing. Everything was good. Then, as Simon finished up the song, he sort of fell off the stage, which was far too funny. Bram wanted to kiss him there and then, or at least say he was Blue, or something! But Simon wandered off and Bram couldn’t find him.

Which was when Bram found himself in the kitchen, downing some alcoholic beverage he wasn’t really paying attention to. Which was one big mistake as he was firmly on the line of being way too drunk to handle logic. He balanced himself on the counter, trying to get Simon off his mind for one second.

Then this girl, dressed as a… sexy minion? Yes. A sexy minion walked up to Bram, all flirty like. She tilted her head to the side, brushed her hair behind her ear and leant on the counter. Bram hardly took notice of her, at first.

“Why don’t we go somewhere a little quieter?” she said, fully expecting Bram to jump at the chance.

“What?”

Though, time for words was up as the girl grabbed his hand and dragged Bram up the stairs. Bram was far too drunk to process what was happening. Well, he knew a girl was taking him to his bedroom. He knew that much. But he didn’t understand why he was going along with it. He could yank away his hand at any time, yet, he didn’t. Maybe part of him wanted to see how it played out. Maybe part of him wanted to see if he _could_ like girls. But another part was screaming at him, shouting that he was gay, that this was insane, that he had to think about Jacques… Simon. But that logical part of him was squashed down by his confusion and his irrational side wanting to double check.

As soon as the girl pushed him towards the bed, he hesitated a bit and ended up sitting on the edge, doing nothing else to move. With his reluctance, she began kissing him instead. Which was fine, he could deal with that, sort of. It was bland though. There was nothing there. She seemed to be eager, but Bram was barely kissing back. He was letting her do all the work as his drunk brain barely kept up with the moment. He wanted it to end. He wanted her to stop. He wanted anything to happen to stop this. Yet, he couldn’t push her away, because that one part of him was still saying he _had_ to try.

Then the door opened. And that made Bram finally manage to breakaway from this… sexy minion. But his heart broke as he saw a hurt Simon in the doorway. Who looked heartbroken himself. Stumbling for an excuse. Seeming shocked and disappointed. Which finally confirmed it all for Bram.

As soon as Simon closed the door, Bram backed away from the girl, all shaken up now. “Please… get out of my room.”

“Why? Because someone interrupted us?”

“ _Get out_.” Bram just wanted her to go. He needed to be on his own, to think on his own.

She pretty much stormed out, in a complete huff. If she told anyone, that was going to be a fun experience. But that wasn’t what Bram was truly thinking about. He collapsed against his bed and put his face in his pillow, swearing under his breath. He banged his fist off his mattress a couple times, through his frustration of what just happened. If he had pushed her away, yanked his hand away. Done _anything_ but kiss that girl, him and Simon could have been talking right now, or even kissing. But here he was, lying on his bed, almost crying, because his crush saw him kiss a girl. Because someone he was convinced was his online emailing friend, had seen him kiss a girl. It made his day fall apart in an instant.

He didn’t go back to his party. He merely lay in his bed, ignoring the world. He couldn’t possibly face people when his heart felt like it had jumped off a cliff and died on impact. He wondered how Simon was feeling, if he was right in his thinking. Which he had to be. Nothing else made sense.

Bram didn’t even hear the music shut off. Or the people leaving. Or Garrett’s voice shouting at everyone to go, because the sexy minion may have told him that Bram had never left his room and she was getting concerned.

Eventually, once everyone had cleared out, Garrett popped his head around the door. And there was Bram, face hidden in his pillow.

“What happened to you?” Garrett asked. A quick glance told him no one else was there. It was just Bram on his lonesome.

“I’ve messed everything up.”

“How? What have you messed up?” He furrowed his brow as he made his way over to Bram’s bed.

Bram rolled onto his back, scrubbing his face. He’d really screwed up. The scene kept replaying in his head. Simon looked hurt, looked _disappointed_. It had to be because he was Jacques and he had to have worked out that Blue was Bram. And Bram just wanted the ground to swallow him up. Why did he let that sexy minion drag him away from the party? Simon had been looking for him, and now he had screwed it up.

As Bram remained silent, staring up at his ceiling. Garrett sat on the edge of his bed, working through the reasons why Bram would be in this rut. “I saw Simon leave early. Is that it?”

Bram grimaced and rolled onto his side. “What makes you– think… it has anything to do with– Simon?”

“You were trying to impress him tonight.” Garrett glanced to the ground. He didn’t want to pry too much, but his best friend was curled up on his bed, entirely upset. “I know you have a crush on him.”

Bram bolted up, staring Garrett right in the eye. “I don’t.”

“Bram… it’s okay.”

“I…” He let out a breath. “You… know?”

Garrett nodded.

“But how did you work it out…?”

“It was the way you looked at Simon when you first moved here. Your eyes sparkled as if you were looking at a god.”

Bram let out a small laugh. “I’m that bad at hiding it?”

“Well… No one else has noticed, so I guess I’m just observant.” Garrett pressed his lips into a thin line. “What happened tonight?”

With a sigh, Bram reminded himself of what happened for the umpteenth time. “Simon saw me kissing a girl… He looked so hurt.”

Garrett gave a faint smile, one of reassurance. “We’ve all done things when we’re drunk, Bram.”

Bram pulled his knees to his chest and lay his head on them. “But Simon saw… I was beginning to think he liked me, but I’ve messed that up now.” He raised his head and leant back against the headboard. “He’ll think I’m straight.”

“You kissed one girl while you were drunk.” Garrett stared at Bram for a few moments as he came up with a thought. “Why don’t you tell him? If you think he likes you, tell him you have a crush on him.”

“I can’t… He’ll never believe me. I… He might not like me anyway, he may have just been looking for the toilet and got embarrassed.”

Garrett could barely stifle a laugh. “That was his excuse? Come on, Bram, you can’t believe that.”

Their conversation was cut short as Bram’s phone loudly pinged. He reached for it and plucked it from it’s charger. It was a gmail notification. Jacques had something to say. Which, if Bram was right in his thinking, meant that Simon believed Blue was someone else.

“Who’s that?”

“It’s complicated.” He quickly skimmed the email, catching the ‘Love, Jacques’ at the end. “Oh… It’s even more complicated now.”

“I’m here to listen… If you need to talk.”

Bram carefully placed his phone down and rested his head back on his knees. Everything was getting spectacularly complex and messy. “I made that post on creeksecrets… After I did, someone emailed me, calling themselves ‘Jacques’. From what he said, there was only one person he could be.”

“Simon?”

“Yes. It’s fortunate we sit on the same table, otherwise I never would have been able to guess…”

“You’re sure it’s him?”

“90% sure.”

Garrett blew out a breath. “I wish I could help… You have to be brave.”

“I don’t think I can be… What if he’s disappointed that it’s me?”

“Then he doesn’t deserve you.”

Bram lay back, sighing deeply. “I don’t think I’m ready for him to know anyway… I want him to know, but I don’t at the same time.”

“Why not?”

“It would be crossing a line I’m not ready to cross yet. You’re the only one who knows I’m gay.”

“Then cross the line when you’re ready.”

Bram nodded and sighed once more. Garrett stayed with him a while longer, until he was sure that Bram was okay. Which he was, in a way. It was understandable why Bram wouldn’t be ready. He wasn’t out and if he told Simon who he was, that could change. Garrett was well aware Bram didn’t like change too much. He could spend time with Simon, test out to see if he was this secret emailer, but at the same, Bram wasn’t ready to leave his safe space.

\--

At school, things were more than slightly weird. Bram felt this invisible wall with Simon. He wasn’t smiling at him anymore. Which made Bram believe Simon really was Jacques, and that he believed Bram was Blue, only, he didn’t anymore. Which made Bram feel like the biggest idiot in the world. But at the same time, it was better this way. Now Simon had no clue who Blue was, which made it easier for Bram to stay in the closet for a little longer. Change was too much, at least, right now it was.

At lunch, sexy minion girl approached the table, indicating she needed to talk with Bram. Simon was nothing more than a sad puppy as he glanced towards them. And Bram fully took that look in as he left the table. Garrett on the other hand cautiously looked to Simon. If it hadn’t been clear before, it was clear now.

Once they got to a secluded spot, sexy minion girl, Stacey her name was, shuffled her feet. She was nervous for some reason, and Bram couldn’t work out why.

“I’m sorry I dragged you away from the party. I knew you weren’t into it…”

“It’s complicated. I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. “No… It was my fault. I’m glad someone interrupted us, otherwise I fear I would have forced you into something you didn’t want to do.”

Bram looked to the ground, sighing. “I wish I had backed out sooner.”

“Well, what’s done is done. See ya around, Bram.”

“See ya.”

When Bram returned to the table, he felt worse than before. He took notice of how Simon was in a heated discussion with Leah about music, while Nick and Abby were laughing about something. Bram looked to Garrett and informed him with what happened with Stacey, to which Garrett just shrugged and said it was for the best. And maybe Simon glanced in Bram’s direction, seeing how he was upset, and maybe he didn’t care because he thought he’d just been rejected by the girl. Yet, Bram’s mind was in such a state about it all.

He had no idea what to think.

He had no idea what to feel.

He had no idea what to do.

All he knew was that he was falling for ‘Jacques’, he had a massive crush on Simon, and that the two may be the same person. That was enough to drive anyone crazy.

But Bram wasn’t about to burrow his head. No matter what Simon thought of him, Jacques brought out courage in Bram. Maybe he could do this coming out thing after all. If Jacques’s previous email was anything to go by, it seemed both of them were getting to a point where they were almost ready to come out.

As Bram and Garrett walked home, Garrett kept glancing at Bram, noticing how he was glued to his phone. Staring at an email to be accurate.

“Are you going to stare at that the whole way home?” Garrett wondered.

Bram kept staring, it didn’t matter that he couldn’t see where he was going, he knew his path like it was the back of his hand. “I’m thinking how I’m going to reply.”

“Always have to choose your words carefully, don’t you?”

“Especially when it comes to Jacques.”

“I’d expect no less of you, Bram.” Garrett put his arm out to stop Bram from just walking out onto the road. “Please put the phone away.”

Bram looked up, suddenly realising the road was there. It had appeared on them far too quickly. “Good idea.”

“I’m sure you know how to reply by now.”

“Yeah…”

Garrett wasn’t wrong. Bram had been planning out his reply since he got the email. It wasn’t the message that was the problem, it was how he was going to close off the letter. He felt he should definitely end off with ‘Love’. It was only right. It described exactly how he felt, because he was falling, if he hadn’t fallen already. He was beginning to realise what love was.

When he got home, Bram jumped onto his computer, beginning to say how he was going to come out to his family. Ending it with a nice little ‘Love, Blue’.

He sat back in his chair, sighing loudly. He didn’t really know what was happening anymore. It was all a bit much. Everything was far, far too much. Though, one thing he was certain of, was that he was going to come out to his family. He had felt freer after he came out to Garrett, he was praying it would be the same for his mother and father.

Bram walked down the stairs with this sullen face on. He was ready. He was. There was just so much emotion within him that it was hard to process what he was about to do.

His mother was making dinner, like always. She smiled happily as Bram took some vegetables and began peeling them and cutting them into pieces. They were making a curry as they were attempting to be healthier. Once the thing was simmering away in a pot, Bram let out a breath and balanced himself on the counter.

“Mom… I have to tell you something…”

“What is it?” she asked, a little concerned at how Bram seemed to be out of his comfort zone.

“Can we sit down?”

With a nod, Bram’s mother guided him to the dining table. He was more than a little wobbly on his legs, from all the nervousness and uncertainty of how this was going to play out.

“I…” He focused on the table, as long as he looked at the table, every would be fine. “I’m gay…”

“You’re… Oh, Abraham… Look at me.”

He did, gradually, and carefully.

“I love you… but I need you to listen to me.”

“Okay…?”

“You must practice safe sex every time. That includes oral.”

“Mom, I’m not sexually active.” Bram just managed to suppress an awkward smile. It was more than strange to hear those words seconds after coming out.

“Yes, well, promise me you’ll be safe.”

“I’ll be safe.”

His mother perked up and stood up from her seat. “Good. I’ll go check on that curry.”

Bram was suddenly feeling all hyped up and jittery. He had been half convinced he was going to cry but was glad he didn’t. Although, as a text came through on his phone, he sighed, because he still had another parent to tell. And it was the perfect time. His father was driving in for Hanukkah, which meant that great bargain motel and silently hoping the sprinklers won’t rain down on them. He was so excited to turn it into a mess of coming out. Which meant it was the perfect time to email Jacques while he waited for dinner to be done.

Informing Jacques on mostly everything that was going on helped by a great deal. Even if he wasn’t a 100% sure Jacques was Simon, it didn’t matter. Because he was in love with Jacques, he was quickly realising that fact.

Once he was done with his email, his mother returned with two bowls of curry. Bram immediately jumped up and grabbed a couple of glasses, pouring soda into them. Once he returned, his mother was smiling at him with this pride in her eyes.

“I’m proud of you… I can’t imagine how hard coming out was for you.”

“It was… difficult.” Bram poked the curry with his fork. “It’s the change that scares me.”

“Life is all about change. We’re always changing. Like how the influenza virus changes its antigens every year.”

Bram lightly smiled at the last sentence. “Don’t bring your work into this, Mom.”

“I was only making a point.” She looked to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “I want you to know, you can always talk to me.”

“Thanks, Mom…”

Dinner was fine. In fact, it was more than fine. There was no awkwardness, no tension. Just a mother and son enjoying a dinner they made together. And yeah, Bram had just come out, but overall, it didn’t affect anything. Which he was more than glad for.

Of course, the dinner had been an early one, so that Bram’s father could pick him up from the house and drive them down to the motel. The whole thing was a big awkward mess anyway, coming out couldn’t make it anymore awkward. Except, it could, it really really could.

His mother gave him a big hug before he headed out, hoping to instil the courage he needed to come out once again. Not that his mother was putting pressure on him, she was more giving reassurance than anything.

Once Bram and his father made it to the motel, it was straight to the traditions. Lighting the menorah and cautiously looking at the ceiling every five seconds to see if the sprinklers were going to go off. Which they didn’t, thankfully.

When they were both relaxed, sitting in chairs opposite each other, Bram drew in a breath. He held it for a while, finding his words. He was good at that, finding words. But these were the hardest most difficult words to speak. It wasn’t easy. It would never be easy. But Bram was ready.

With a deep exhale, he learnt how to breathe again. “Dad…”

“Yes?” His father’s eyes flicked up from the book he was reading.

“I’m… I’m gay.”

His father stilled for a moment. He closed the book sitting on his lap and leant his head on his hand. “You are?”

“Yeah.”

He opened the book again and returned to reading. “Good,” he said after a while.

Bram let out a breath of relief. The room may have had an awkward air about it, but at least it wasn’t a bad reaction. It was fine, he supposed. And they relaxed into their usual silence once more, only saying something once and a while. Which was completely fine. That’s how it always was. So, nothing had changed too much. He was only hoping it would stay that way. His father could be a little hard to read sometimes.

‘Course, when he was dropped off home, early in the morning, there was another email from Jacques. He knew he should reply fairly quickly, because Jacques had come out to someone… and also, that last sentence. Jacques wanted to know who Blue was, and Bram could barely handle that. He still wasn’t ready, no matter how much his brain screamed that he was. It was fair enough coming out to his parents and his best friend, but possibly being right in his thinking, the worry of Jacques being disappointed, and the risk of loosing Jacques was far too much.

Plus, there was the added factor of their school. If anyone knew, their lives would be made hell. Bram was quite jealous of Ethan, in a way. He seemed to be able to take the bullies on like they were nothing. Bram knew he wouldn’t handle them in the same way. He simply couldn’t risk it all yet.

\--

The homecoming game was upon them all far too quickly. Bram wasn’t too much of a fan, but he could have never prepared himself for the national anthem being interrupted. By a bear. The mascot.

It all made sense when it turned out to be Martin. Bram didn’t know him well, but he knew him by reputation. A bad reputation at that. He was that weird nerdy kid, like out of the movies, except he wasn’t seen as a hero because times had changed, and everyone knew that specific stereotype was misogynistic as all hell. Martin was proving that he was not respectful of women as he landed into his speech about Abby.

Bram grimaced. It was horrible. Martin had counted the _minutes_. He was doing this in front of the whole school. Some people were laughing and recording. Others were glancing in Abby’s direction, expecting. Meanwhile, Abby looked as if she wanted the earth to swallow her whole. It wasn’t good.

Once the doves were released, time flew by pretty quick. Bram filtered out the game and was on autopilot until he got home. He hopped onto his computer a few hours later, looking on creeksecrets. He merely wanted to see if people were mocking Martin. They had recorded the fiasco after all. He’d be surprised if it didn’t go viral.

Immediately, he was hit with post after post of terrible memes. They were barely memes at that. More like weird gifs that weren’t quite funny. No one used traditional memes, or funny vines. Or made any kind of reference like that. It made Bram feel as if the internet had failed them all. However, as time went on, better memes appeared. More often than not, the memes tended to be that galaxy brain meme or that swerving car meme. And sometimes, older memes had been used, to add to the cringe. Some even had Martin’s face photoshopped over the top of the original picture. And the memes only got better by the second, which was nice, in a way.

Except Bram felt slightly guilty that he laughed at a few. It was a horrible situation. And he had this pit in his stomach, a sense that something was going to go wrong. Martin was the type of guy to act out some kind of revenge in circumstances like this. He was that typical nerd guy, ready to get unnecessarily angry at any second. He would be distraught at the moment, which spelled out all kinds of trouble.

Bram was worried.

He only hoped that it was an irrational fear.

Besides, he couldn’t worry about it for long. Soon, his dad was taking him to the middle of nowhere. Even if he wanted to keep up with the drama (which he didn’t), the fact that he was going deep into the country meant that internet connection and signal were non-existent.

Unfortunately, he wouldn’t be able to talk to Jacques over the break, which was a new predicament he didn’t know how to deal with yet. On the plus side, he’d get to spend time with his dad. Things may have been a little awkward when Bram had come out, but his father seemed okay with it all. He hoped that was still the case.

And it was fine. His father picked him up, he said goodbye to his mother, and off they went. Into the depths. Bram took his phone with him, more as something to fiddle with than really use. And his father was cracking the usual conversations they would have. Bram kept glancing back at the fishing gear. It was going to be one hell of a trip, one way or another.

Being unable to email Jacques was almost excruciating, but a few days into the trip and Bram was feeling alright. His father kept conversations going the best he could and there was less and less awkwardness as the days went on. Eventually, his father started to ask more about Bram being gay and he never asked anything offensive. It was all… not what Bram had been expecting.

Suddenly it felt good to fish alongside his father. Suddenly they were talking more than they had in years. Suddenly Bram felt like he was truly bonding with his father for once. And it was a sort of bliss. Because Bram had missed his father. He really had.

On their last day, Bram’s father took them down the track they had called their favourite. A peaceful walk, surrounded by trees. They said nothing for a long while, they didn’t need to, enjoying the walk was enough. Until, Bram’s father looked to Bram with this glint in his eye.

“I feel like I know you again,” he said.

Bram glanced to his father and smiled. “Me too…”

“And I’m proud of you too. I know I barely reacted when you came out, but I’m glad we’ve talked about it this past week.”

“That’s… good to know.”

His father wrapped his arm around Bram for a second, nearly causing him to fall over in the process. Then, they relaxed back into silence and concentrated on their walk. And it was all fine.

It was all fine till Bram was dropped off home the next morning, after a long drive.

It was all fine till Bram finally regained connection and saw twenty notifications from Garrett.

It was all fine till Bram saw Jacques’s emails, after he read Garrett’s frantic texts.

It wasn’t fine anymore.

Nothing was fine.

The worst thing had happened.

And Bram’s world fell apart there and then.

Jacques– Oh, god, he really was Simon. He could say that now, in his head.

But it was terrible.

Simon had been outed, on creeksecrets no less.

The paragraph about Martin irked him somehow, like his suspicion after the homecoming fiasco was right.

But the worst part was, Bram couldn’t do this.

He couldn’t.

Not when everything was shaky ground.

He didn’t want to do what he was going to do. He didn’t want to leave alone Simon at this impossible time. But he had no choice.

It was too much. Too, too much.

But he’d leave the heart-breaking reply for now. He had to get through school first.

The school was a different place when he arrived. People were whispering in every corner, talking about Simon. Gossiping. Bram nearly had a breakdown by the time it got to second period. He wanted to shout, to scream. No one should have been talking about Simon in the ways that they were. Slurs were thrown about as if they were nothing. It ripped at Bram’s soul.

Hence, when it came to lunch, he escaped to an empty classroom. He would hear no whispers there, he could stay calm there. He had heard through the gossip that Leah, Nick and Abby had fallen out with Simon. He didn’t have his friends. That made it ten times worse.

Bram felt for him, he really did. Because it was a horrific nightmare. Being outed wasn’t the absolute worst that could happen, but it was near it. Having the choice taken away left no control, no testing the waters. Homophobia was already present in the school, there was no escape. Bram wanted to be there for Simon, he really did. But he couldn’t be. He hoped Simon would understand that one day.

As lunch was about midway through, a flurry of texts popped up on Bram’s phone. All were from Garrett. With much curiosity, Bram opened them, expecting some news on what people were saying. (Bram had said he wanted to know). But it wasn’t news on that at all. It was about how Spencer and Aaron had officially become the biggest assholes in the whole school. About what they did, who they dressed up as. How Simon tried to defend himself, on his own. How his _friends_ did nothing to help. And maybe Garrett mentioned that he was ready to fight them if it escalated.

Bram was glad that Garrett would have defended Simon, but the news of what had happened, paired with the fact that Simon really had no one, broke Bram completely. He pushed his phone away and put his head in his hands, wondering how it came to this.

His decision was solidified. He couldn’t risk it. The school was too vile. He was too scared. He had no choice.

As the school day came to a close, Bram headed out after the main rush. He didn’t want to be amongst people, he merely wanted to think on his own. But even his thoughts were interrupted.

Shouts rang out from the car park, so loud you’d hear them from a mile away. And Bram was only at the entrance to the school. He watched as Simon yelled at Martin, with so much anger. Thus, Bram knew now. His suspicion about Martin acting out revenge was right, but outing Simon? That was a true kind of evil.

Bram’s heart broke as he saw Simon bash his steering wheel again and again. It was killing him to watch Simon be in so much pain. He didn’t want it to be like this, but he couldn’t tell Simon who he was yet. He wasn’t ready for so many reasons.

But he could do something else.

Martin stood still in the car park, watching Simon drive away, in too much shock to move. So Bram walked with confidence up to the scum. Keeping a steady glare as he went. Once he was near, Martin turned to him, furrowing his brow.

“Bram? What do you want?”

Bram chuckled with a dark tone. He was clouded by a thick hatred. “You do not get to say my name.”

“Why is that?” Martin folded his arms, yet his legs trembled.

“You’re a special kind of evil, Addison. I’d suggest you stay well away from Spier.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m fairly sure outing a kid to the whole school would be enough cause for Mr Worth to expel your sorry self.”

“How… do you know it was me?”

Bram rolled his eyes, scoffing. “You were hardly anonymous in your post.” He resisted the urge to spit in his face. “Heed my warning, _Martin_.”

Martin quivered as Bram said his name as if it were poison. Immediately after that, Bram stormed off, all high and mighty. And for goodness sake, Martin collapsed to the ground like the coward he really was. If only he could have been punched without any consequences. Nevertheless, Bram had a feeling Martin caught on to his message.

And as he walked away, he had no idea what had happened. He had just _threatened_ someone. I mean, sure, he wanted to punch Martin, to make him feel hurt, but he was glad all he did was threaten. For one thing, Martin deserved worse, and for another, it meant Bram could take the moral high ground. Anyhow, maybe Martin would leave Simon alone now.

As he got home, Bram collapsed onto his bed, half crying, half emotionless. He knew what to do. Yet, his hands were shaking, trembling, falling to pieces. It was killing him, knowing what he was about to do. It _would_ kill him to do it. But what choice did he really have? He was scared, terrified. Everything had spiralled out of control in less than two weeks. And Bram had been there for none of it. _Blue_ had been there for none of it.

Simon had been outed. His friends had abandoned him. He was alone.

Now Blue was going to leave him too?

How could Bram do it, how could he hurt the person he loved like that?

Fear. That was it. The simple fear.

It was going to hurt. Sting. Burn.

But it had to be done.

With his useless shaky fingers, he typed out his reply, tears in his eyes. Some tears dropped off, landing square on his phone, but Bram didn’t dare wipe them away, he didn’t deserve the luxury of keeping the emotions on lock down.

When the send button was tapped, and Simon’s email was blocked, Bram’s world went dark.

Everything felt as if it was over.

Sleep consumed him before he had a chance to think any longer.

\--

The recent days had been a bit like hell. Bram could only watch from a distance as Simon fell into this sadness. He was still happy, but without friends, his school life wasn’t the best it could be. Bram knew he could fix some of the problems, but he still couldn’t muster up the courage. All it needed was two words. Two simple words.

But perhaps, Simon would think he was lying. He assumed Bram was straight after all, if he told the truth now, Simon would never believe him. He’d more than likely be disappointed.

Which was why Bram’s heart jumped to his throat as he saw the new post on creeksecrets. Simon had regained control in an instant by posting, and Bram felt glad for it. He could feel a smile in Simon’s words, like he used to with their emails.

And at the end of the message, his hope of seeing Blue after the play, at the ferris wheel. Something about that plunged Bram into distress. Could he do it? Could he really?

Before he could think any more, Garrett was calling him. He knew exactly how this conversation was going to pan out.

“You’ve seen the post, right? By Simon?” Garrett immediately asked when Bram picked up.

“Yes.”

“Are you going to do it?”

“I’m… not sure.”

“Come on, Bram, you should. Simon needs you.”

“He doesn’t.”

“He does.”

“I don’t know if I can…”

“You know when you get brave on the pitch, aiming to get a goal?”

“Yeah…” Bram furrowed his brow, not sure how that was relevant.

“It’s the same thing. You have to be brave and aim to get a boyfriend in the process.”

He laughed at that while Garrett lightly chuckled on the other side. “Should I?”

“Yes. Yes. Yes. You should.” He paused. “I normally wouldn’t pressure you on anything like this, but it’s different now. Simon is waiting for you, Bram. When Friday comes, you can’t not show up.”

“He isn’t waiting for me, per se.”

“You’re Blue and he’s waiting for Blue. So, he’s waiting for you.”

“Thanks for the pep talk, Garrett.”

“I’ll give you another on Friday.”

“You’ll come to the play with me, right?”

“Of course.”

The play, well, wasn’t that a thing? Bram totally wasn’t distracted by Simon’s eyeliner the whole time. Which looked positively fantastic on him. Okay, really, he was entirely distracted by the eyeliner. He could barely hear anything over the eyeliner. Because Simon just looked so good in it.

And somehow, the final number was happening, and Simon was just looking so amazing that Bram nearly died right there and then from the butterflies in his stomach.

As the lot of them all bowed and walked off stage, Bram let out a breath. This was it. Time to go to the carnival. Which was fine. Completely fine.

But Bram was still scared. It was going to be public. The school wouldn’t be able to resist the urge. At the same time though, it was like killing two birds with one stone. Telling Simon who he was while coming out. It was terrifying, but doable. Maybe.

So, when he and Garrett made it to the carnival, hanging by the already forming crowd at the ferris wheel, Bram got all shaky and hesitant. Garrett had to grab his shoulders to still him. He looked Bram in the eye, positive that Bram would listen to him thoroughly.

“Simon is on the ferris wheel _right now_ , waiting for _you_. He is waiting for no one else but you.”

“Yeah, but–” Bram glanced around. The crowd, it was far too big already. And Simon was already going around for the seventh time. “The crowd…”

“Forget the crowd, forget the people.” Garrett sharply shook Bram’s shoulders. “If you hadn’t blocked his email, you wouldn’t be in this position. You owe it to him to buckle up and go up there.”

“Wow, Garrett.”

“You have no one to blame but yourself.” He glanced to the crowd. “Now, in a minute, I’m gonna go join them.”

Bram blinked at him. “You’re leaving me?”

“Yes. Work your shit out and go get your man.” Garrett stepped away and headed towards the growing mass of people.

Simon was starting to look slightly scared, as were his friends. It seemed Blue might not turn up after all, which put a dampener on everyone’s moods. The crowd, instead of cheering him on, began to sigh and stare in a mixture of disbelief and sadness.

All the while, Bram was hidden by shadows, psyching himself up. He could do this. He could walk up there and tell Simon who he was. He could walk up there and tell Simon who he was, while coming out to the whole school. Yeah. He could totally do that.

He glanced over to the crowd. Garrett was clapping and cheering Simon on, which perked up the rest of the people. They believed again. Everything was going to play out right. It was.

Bram just needed to walk. He needed his legs to carry him.

But somehow, his time spent worrying, meant that Simon’s ride was over. Bram felt his legs moving, heading towards the ferris wheel. He wasn’t thinking anymore, he couldn’t let Simon think Blue had left him entirely. He hadn’t. He just needed a little more time.

Of course, Martin ran up to the ferris wheel, proclaiming he was Blue. Bram nearly had a heart attack, but, thankfully, Simon was having none of it. Still, Martin, feeling the need to redeem himself, paid for one last ride. Bram was almost glad Martin did that, but it didn’t redeem him, and he deserved to be punched nonetheless.

“Last call for the ferris wheel!” the ride operator called out, which snapped Bram out of his thoughts. Now or never.

They were beginning to set the ride in motion and all of a sudden, Bram was running.

“Wait. Wait,” he said, hopping up onto the metal platform, turning to Simon. “Can I sit there?”

“I was kinda waiting for somebody.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Bram walked up to the ride and sat next to Simon, already feeling nervousness building up inside. He looked to Simon, who had this slow smile forming at the realisation.

“It’s you.”

“It’s me.” Bram smiled faintly as he said it, because this was worth building up the courage. It really was worth it.

“But that night at the party.”

“Yeah… I was drunk and confused. It ended like a minute after you saw us.”

Simon processed that one slowly before smiling. “And you’re Jewish.”

“Yeah.”

“Which is cool.”

“And I'm black too. And gay. Kinda crazy, huh?” Bram smiled in a nervous way, but also in a way in which he was beaming.

“Yeah.” Simon paused for a second, so much was processing in his brain at once. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“I didn’t either. Until I was walking towards you, I didn’t think I had it in me.”

That stunned the two into silence as the ride kicked up. Maybe it was a bit weird. Maybe it was. Jacques and Blue, side by side. Simon and Bram. All that mattered, in that moment, was the fact that they were right there with each other, at last.

The ride halted as it got to the top. A picturesque moment.

“Are you disappointed that it’s me?” Bram asked, because he had to. It was his number one worry. His true fear of this whole situation.

Simon shook his head, smiling. “No.”

Nothing else needed to be said. With one shift movement, Simon kissed Bram. And it was _everything_. They weren’t sure what to do with their hands yet, but they would in a minute, as when Simon went in for a second kiss, his hand landed solidly against Bram’s neck. And that kiss, that kiss was more than everything. Bram lightly caressed Simon’s hand, and that caused his heart to finally die from everything that was happening. It was perfect. Magical. They were kissing on top of a ferris wheel. It couldn’t get any more romantic than that.

After they kissed for the third time, the ride sparked by up and brought them down. The ride operators were grinning. The crowd was grinning. Their friends were beaming. Simon and Bram were gleaming. A sea of smiles in the darkness of the night.

And a love story had reached its natural beginning. What came before that moment was merely the prologue.

As Bram and Simon stepped off the ride (Simon felt a little weird being back on the ground again), the crowd dispersed, they had seen all they wanted/needed to see. While, their friends ran up to them, all were reacting in various different ways.

Nick still had his jaw hanging open, unable to say anything. Leah playfully whacked Simon on the arm. Abby could only smile. And Garrett nodded to Bram.

All were perfect reactions, which eventually resulted in them all having a group hug before deciding to see the rest of the (very expensive) carnival.

Simon and Bram held hands the entire time, hardly wanted to let go now that they were close. It had all led up to this, and it was wonderful.

\--

“I wouldn’t have been able to forgive them, if it had been me,” Bram said, sitting opposite Simon.

They were at Simon’s house, per Nora’s request. Because, apparently, she had to bake them a tray of celebratory rainbow Oreos, followed up by a healthy smoothie to balance it out. While they waited for Nora to finish cooking, they were in Simon’s room, chilling on his bed.

Simon shrugged. “I was the one who betrayed their trust.”

“No, no.” Bram shook his head vehemently. He leant forward, his elbows rested on his thighs. “You were being _blackmailed_. You had no choice but to comply to Martin’s demands. They should have understood that. And Leah… well she was only annoyed because she was in love with you.” He sighed. “Sorry. I know I shouldn’t say all this, but it boils my blood.”

“It’s fine. I agree with you. I just–” Simon fiddled with his hoodie. “I still treated Abby like she was to be pawed off.”

“From what you’ve told me, you didn’t. You tried everything to make sure Martin wasn’t involved but he won out in the end. All you did was invite him to my party, invite him to Waffle House, told Nick a few lies and got Leah a date with Nick – who you thought she was in love with. Tell me what exactly was _so bad_ about that?”

“The fact that I didn’t tell them the truth, when I could have.”

“To tell them the truth meant coming out, which you weren’t ready for. I suppose– Why didn’t you tell Abby when you came out to her?”

Simon sighed and lay back against the wall. “I thought if I told her she’d go confront Martin and he’d leak the emails. No matter what I did, I knew that Martin was going to out me eventually. I just thought I could postpone it.”

Bram also lay back against the wall. “I wish I was there for you then. I should have been…”

“No, I accept that you weren’t ready then. And I never would have wanted you to risk yourself.” As Bram looked towards the ground, Simon smiled with reassurance. “Hey. I understand, you know I understand.”

“I know…”

To interrupt the moment, Nora shouted up the stairs, telling them the Oreos were ready. The two popped into the kitchen immediately, eyeing up the cookie delights. Oreos lined up in rows, with varying colours. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue and Purple. Nora had lined up her batches so that it looked like one giant Oreo pride flag.

“They’re still warm,” she said as she tended to the blender which contained all kinds of berries and a few apples.

Simon and Bram were in awe of the colourful cookies. They whipped out their phones and took a couple of pics before digging into a few. Of course, Nora had flavoured the icing, which made the whole experience ten times better.

“These are perfect, Nora,” Simon said, taking a few more from the tray.

Bram nodded in agreement. “I think it’s clear, you make the best Oreos.”

“Thank you,” she said, pouring her smoothie into glasses. “But you have to drink this to balance it out.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Save the Oreos for later, Simon.”

Simon shrugged his shoulders and popped a couple into his mouth. “No,” he replied with his mouth full.

Bram let out a hearty laugh, which was so infectious it made Simon splutter Oreos everywhere. Once Simon managed to swallow them down, without choking too much, Bram kissed him on the check.

“If you die from asphyxiation, I’ll never forgive myself.” Bram took one of the smoothies from Nora. “Drink this, please, for your own sake.”

Simon chugged half of the smoothie down, ceasing his coughing and choking entirely. Bram smiled at Nora as she handed the other smoothie to him. One swift look at Simon had both Nora and Bram in fits of giggles, as he had managed to dripple the smoothie down his front.

“Why did this happen?” he said, wiping his face with his hand.

“Because you’re clumsy?” Bram supplied, making Simon softly chuckle.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

And that was that, really.

As Bram and Garrett became proper members of the group, Bram was immediately labelled as ‘the mother friend’. Which was fun for the lot of them as Bram would insist he wasn’t, while simultaneously checking everyone’s wellbeing every thirty minutes.

In general, all was good. Sure, Bram was aware there was still underlining tension between Simon, Leah, Nick and Abby, but all in all, they learnt to let it go. Besides, everything turned out okay in the end. They couldn’t keep any grudges.

And goodness, Bram was glad he and Simon were together. For many reasons. Mainly the fact that he was totally in love with Simon, but also because, the bullies had nothing on them. Like with Ethan, they would try, but Simon and Bram would easily insult them back, or kiss in front of them. Either worked perfectly well. 

And suddenly, Bram had no regrets about making that post, all those months ago.

No matter all the hurt, it was worth it.

It really was.


End file.
